Point of existence
by Tonisia zan frella Sherlolly
Summary: Tom tupper is pretty much alone in the world. Except for his 2 younger brothers Theo and Tyler he has no-one he loves. Tom lives a life of abuse and neglect at home and bulling at school. When he joins mi-9 will everything change? And will his new found friends show him the point of his existence? WARNING: contains self harm abuse neglect and suicide
1. Chapter 1

**I dont know what to think of this it does have a pairing which is tom/? youll see why below. Please dont read if you dont like triggers and self harm and stuff. I have a friend whos been through stuff like this and they said it was fine to write about it like thiS. please be respectful about the substory an main story below. Lots of love niamh so as promised. **

Point of existence

1.

Tom pov

"Tom you stupid boy!" My mother yelled I dragged myself out of bed and hauled my legs down the stairs. She ,as per usual was sat in the kitchen. Whenever she yelled like that she was not happy. When mama wasn't happy then I was in for it. In at the deep end like when I was 7 and she had a miscarriage she blamed it on me. I see it was my fault somehow but seriously I didn't know anyway I was 7. It got worse when she married Justin. He was a singer with the worse voice ever but he conned my mama into marrying him and now I'm lost. So so lost. Alone with no-one in the world. All because I'm worthless not worth the air I breathe and the erosion of the ground I walk on. If I died today the sun would still rise the wind would still blow and life would carry on. No-one would care not a soul because no-one cares about me. Which is right on their part.

"Yes mama?" I asked as I walked in.

"Have you done ... Yet?" She asked

"Ummmmm mama please I don't want to?" I whispered.

"My dear boy it is not about want! Get up those stairs and do it. The costumer will be waiting. "

Silently, I walked up stairs. I walked into the room, it was a barren hateful room. The costumer looked at me a wicked smile on their face.

After 20 minutes of hell I was allowed to leave i slipped my jumper and blazer on so no-one would see my cuts. The turned my Collar up so no-one could see the bruises my mother had left on me.

I understand why my mother does it. It's because I deserve it, I deserve everything I get. Don't lie I do. I'm a bisexual freak who has nothing but pain in their life because they deserve it. I deserve my beatings, I deserve being bi and i deserve no friends. I slipped my ruck sac on my back and set of to another lonely painful soul-crushing day at Blackfriars high school. What is the point of existence? These things I know I can argue against but the one thing I cannot possible argue against deserving is being forced into prostitutism. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad? Today I was trying something new. I was joining mi-9 in a project called mi-high. Im not the only one joining and apparently they will be new to the school. I hope they're new to the school. I've never been very good at making friends. Maybe for once I will be able to make some friends who don't care. Who show my the point of my existence!


	2. Chapter 2

**I feel sorry for tom in this chapter he makes me so sad. :( Oh well **

2.

Toms pov

I walked into school an hour early and made my way towards my classroom. I took my usual seat next to the window and waited to see how the class would have changed, how the returning students would have changed and of course meet the new head teacher.

I hoped that Melissa would have changed school because it would be really awkward between us.

Melissa had been my friend but when she found out about my sexuality she became angry I hadn't told her.

So one day on the bus I sat down and waited for Melissa to get on. When she got on she sat on her own.

"Hey Melissa why aren't you sat by our awesome science wizz kid" asked mark (who stayed my friend but left 6 weeks into term we still talk)

"One he's not awesome two he doesn't deserve the friends he has and three I'm not sitting by a bisexual faggot!" She yelled so the whole bus would hear.

When we reached school everyone knew and I ended up crying in a toilet we haven't spoken since.

My thoughts were startled when mr Mcnab ,the deputy head, walked in closely followed by two new students who had clearly come on the bus I was supposed to catch.

"Oh hello, tupper." Mr Mcnab said

"Hi sir," I whispered.

"Tupper this is..." I cut him off

"Aneisha Jones and Daniel Morgan?" For the first time I looked up and much to my delight they were both wearing confused expressions.

"How does he know that sir?" Daniel asked.

"Because it says in your blazers." I replied before Mr Mcnab had a chance to open his mouth.

"Well ill leave you in toms hands. I'm actually quite surprised your here Tom. After the end of last year. See you in lesson one." Mr Mcnab said heading towards the door.

"What happened at the end of last year?" Aneisha asked sitting down at the desk next to me.

"You may not want to sit there. That is if you want to make friends." I replied.

"I'm quite fine here thanks. I'm neish by the way!" She said smiling.

"Oh that's nice. I'm sorry but that seat is saved for a friend." I said as unsarcastically as possible.

"Oh ok ill move dan can sit next to me." She said moving as the others started piling in. Soon the class filled up and mr Mcnab and a man with grey hair an glasses walked in. As suspected the seat next to me was empty and I noticed Melissa wasn't there. I could have sworn my face lit up. Then the door opened and in walked Melissa.

"Sorry I'm late sir," she said handing him a note. He opened it read it and said

"Ok take a seat next to umm ah yes there Tom" brilliant! Just grand and then my pencil started flashing. My hand shot up in the air.

"Yes, sorry i dont know your name,"The new teacher asked

"That's fine sir, it's Tom by the way, I need to go to the medical room." I said

"Why?" He asked. Mr Mcnab put a hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear I knew what he was saying.

"Why of course you may go." He said

"Danke" I said cursing that I'd spoken Germany

"Stupid Jew!" I heard someone yell. I walked slowly towards the caretakers closet assuming that I was the only one in my class.

"Hey Tom wait up!" I heard I spun on my heals and saw Daniel and neish jogging towards me.

"Don't happen to know where the caretakers closet is do you?" I blinked and turned continueing my journey. no way. The two people who actually spoke to me! This was not happening something felt weird.

Like they knew.

As we reached the cupboard neish grabbed my arm.

"Do not tell anyone..." She began and looked down at my arm which was showing deep cuts. I pulled away and let out a small sob. Before I had chance to run she grabbed my wrists and pulled me into a hug.

"Why?" She asked

"Because I deserve it."


	3. Chapter 3

**So theres a little ok a lot of swearing in this chapter so no likey no ready get mE. its gonna be a little odd this story i appologise. **

3.

Neish pov

I pulled away and looked at him. "No-one deserves this!" I whispered

"I do." He said

"No you don't Tom, who makes you think that?" I asked

"Everyone bar you 2." He said

"Now then why would they do that?" I asked

"Doesn't matter!," he said quickly. He pulled back the switch and put his thumb on the scanner. Wait what? HEs one of us. Wait no way! He must be a tech agent right? Well that's good because I'm shit with computers so is Dan.

Dan pov

So this kids a spy and clearly a good one I couldn't guess he must be new to it yes. Is he German? He did speak German earlier didn't he? I don't know I just don't. I feel really weird around that kid. I can't explain it though. He's just so so interesting. I don't know. Anyway we got into the lift and it plummeted god knows how far to the ground floor of the base.

"Hello you must be Dan and Aneisha!" Said the man

"And you must be..." I started

"Frank London you little shit!" Tom said

"Well it's nice to have you back Tom. Stella finally think your mentally able. How is your mental state now Tom?" Frank? Said

"OCD, ashbergers and depression fun!" He said

"Oh and he's cutting," Neish but in

"Wait what Tom why?" Frank asked

*jesus Christ leave him alone hell get through it he's just so perfect* I thought wait what!?

Ok Dan get your shit together you are not gay! Jesus Christ

Neish pov

I felt bad maybe I shouldn't have said anything about the cutting he was now getting ridiculed about it. He was just perfect. I needed him to be ok I've only known him for an hour but I feel like I don't know. I want to help him ok. That's all I'm just like that its who I am a helper. I help anything and anyone. It's bad of me but I feel protective quickly but not usually this quickly oh no.

Nah that's not true. Although he is very cute. Very very cute and those eyes all like I need help help me please no-one else can help it has to be you. Probably not what he's thinking more like ugh go away freaking asshole. I'd like to know what the fuck is wrong with you!? I'm so stupid ugh I should just freaking die.

Dan pov

Ok so my mind is all over the place. I don't know why this kid is effecting me so much. I can't like him can I no I don't even know him. He is just a little shit and a moron. I hate him I do I hate him and I'm gonna make him know it.

I'm not gay. I feel like yelling really yelling just yelling I DANIEL MORGAN AM NOT GAY FUCK IT IM NOT. Well I must be surly why else would I feel like this I mean I could be bi no Dan you have never liked boys ever only girls. Only girls Dan only girls ONLY GIRLS. Like its supposed to be. ONLY GIRLS!

Toms pov

They don't like me do they? Well that's nothing new is Tom really seriously. Your used to this if they did like you you'd have no idea what to do would you hey you fool. Jesus god I hate my self I should just fucking die. Death I must die. Death! All I want is death I must get it. Ill do it tonight.

Yes I will I must I need to no-one cares do they. I'm am and I will always be a fag. Even my own mother knows it and all this time I couldn't see that's how stupid I am. I'm so dumb how could I be that thick I'm a faggot nothing but the truth. I hate my life and it will end 16 days 15 days and umm lets set a time 19 hours into it.

The one year anniversary of me coming out to the world. Via my YouTube under my actual name (I'm not telling) (A/N I DO KNOW WHO HE'LL BE SO YOU CAN GUESS IF YOU GET IT ILL LOVE YOU FOR EVER). So Im gonna die which I must admit sounds like a awfully great adventure but ill die alone.

Shut up Tom you were always going to die alone always you knew it all your life. You should have never been born. Haha no shit sherlock that's all I was a mistake! So yeah there's the plan bye stupid shitty world I'm not coming fucking back bitches.

A/N SO TOMS A YOUTUBER. SERIOUSLY GUESS. ILL UPDATE THIS WHEN I REACH 4 REVEIWS BUT UNTIL THEN I LOVE YOU CHOW CHOW


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Tom walked home and carefully opened the door. His parents weren't in so he bolted upstairs and quickly completed his homework. He glanced at the clock 1hour to go he thought. An hour later and Tom lay blood pouring from every part of his body and he was smiling. He was going to be at peace. Or so he thought. He winced in pain as he was picked up. He heard a familiar voice.

"Oh sweet Jesus fuck fuck what the hell happened? Fucking hell!" Tom tried to place the voice

"C-c-ch-chris?" He choked

"Yeah yeah it's me but don't try to speak you are so silly! I need to get you to hospital I I..." Chris stuttered. He carried Tom out of his house and placed him carefully on the back two seats holy shit he fought he's gonna die!

*with Dan and neish*

"You should have left him alone Neish wtf is wrong with you?" Dan asked flailing his arms around like an idiot.

"It doesn't make any difference to you does it Dan!" Neish retorted angrily.

"Why are we fighting?" Asked Dan

"I'm not sure!" Neish replied and the pair sat down to watch tv.

*with frank*

Frank pov

I received the most traumatising phone call ever. Tom had attempted suicide and had pretty much succeeded. Currently he was lead in a hospital bed dying. I had to find out what was up with him because other wise he will die. First lets get Tom better.

A/N:

I KNOW IT'S SHORT BUT IT'S IMPORTANT VERY IMPORTANT. NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA MAKE YOU CRY. ALSO I HOPE YOU CAN GUESS WHAT YOUTUBER TOM IS? IF NOT ALL REVEALED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER WHICH SHOULD BE LONGER!


	5. Chapter 5

**Well here's toms actual name for you! Should I call him it or just Tom. I've got to check the spelling of his surname. What do you think please r&r **

5.

Chris pov

Shit what the hell happened that's it I need to tell him. If he wakes up. Please god he has to wake up. I am nothing without him. I I I love him. With all my heart. I have to tell him. Oh shit. He doesn't know about my sexuality. For those of you who can't guess I'm actually pansexual and demisexual. If you don't know that means I'm gender blind and I can only fall in love if I've known you for a while or you save me. Oh I should introduce myself I'm Christopher James Kendell I am a youtuber. Basically I get paid for being me. That's not the point. I love Tom well I'm not saying his actual name although you can probably guess. Just gonna say that haters gonna hate. The doctor walked over to me.

"He won't be up for at least 2 hours go fetch some company and some food. It's better for you." He said his voice brittle yet kind.

"Oh ok what's your name?" I asked nervously.

"I'm Jamie. I'm actually vet good despite being the same age as you!" The doctor smiled and held out his hand. Which I shook carefully.

"Ok I'm going to get food.

Toby pov

Hi I'm Toby I'm 11. I have hardly anyone in the world other than my younger brother Tyler and my older brother Tom. We used to have Theo and Thalia but they've gone to uni soon Tom will too. When Tom goes to uni ill be 13 and Tyler will be 10. I won't be able to cope I mean Tom can't cope he's 16 how am I meant to cope. Oh we're gonna die. Anyway I'm currently sat hugging my 8 year old brother because Toms gone missing and he's frightened of mama. I wish Tom would come back. The lock clicked and I cowered further into the corner.

"Tobes ty it's chris. Where are you?!" Chris's voice came ringing through the house and I let out I breath I didn't even know I was holding in. I got up and pulled Tyler up with me. We walked into the hall and sure enough chris was there.

"Chris where's Tom!?" Tyler asked

"Umm safe as you will be come on come with me. Grab something to play with and a stuffed toy also a spare pair of clothes and toms iPod for me." Chris replied

"Should I get his laptop as well?" I asked

"Umm yeah" chris nodded I scurried up stairs Tyler on my heals. We both packed a bag and ran down stairs. Chris opened his car and we clambered in. It was getting late and ty was really tired. So was I. I suppose but what was going on something wasn't right.

Dans pov

Frank isn't answering that's bad! What if something happened to Tom. God he is so beautiful like you don't even know. Thinking that really freaks me out. I think I've worked it out I think he's just a phase I won't say anything though. What's up with Neish as well she's acting really weird oh she doesn't does she? Nah she don't last time I checked she was with that Jamie kid right! Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. I looked at the I'd it was frank I called neish ,who was playing with my sister in the next room and answered the phone.

"Frank?" I ask

"You need to go to the hospital" he said

"Why?" Asked Neish

"Toms been brought in bleeding heavily from his arms.!"

"WHAT?!" We yelled in sync

"Umm on our way frank." I said and hung up the phone call. I turned to face Neish.

"Do you like him?" We asked in sync again.

"Yes, you?" Neish said carefully

"Umm I'm I'm not sure," I stuttered.

"Aww is Danny questioning his sexuality?" Neish mock laughed.

"No!" I yelled "I'm not gay it's just that boy!" We reached my car and climbed inside.

We walked onto the ward and saw a boy ,about our age, standing against the wall next to toms room. As we approached he looked up.

"Family only." He muttered sheepishly.

"Who's with him then?" We asked

"Toby and Tyler." He replied plainly

"His brothers?" We questioned.

"Yeah, he's not up yet when he is we can go in."

"Hi you must be chris?" Frank said

"Yeah? Who are you?" Chris asked

"I'm frank London, this is Daniel James Morgan and Aneisha jones." Said frank chris laughed

"What?" I asked

"Umm can I ..." Frank nodded "pj and I we have a friend called Daniel James howell and my names Christopher James kendell..." Chris started

"Wait chris as in crabstickz from YouTube?" Neish asked

"Yeah and I might as well tell ya now his name ain't Tom Tupper." Said chris.

The doctor walked over

"I'm sorry we can't find files on anyone called Tomas Tupper actual name please."

"I don't know," said frank

"Chris?" Asked Neish

"Pascal ligourni junior." He replied not thinking about it.

"Wait what pj from YouTube?" She asked already knowing the answer.

Neish pov

I couldn't believe it two of my favourite youtubers and my idol as well. Pj had always been my favourite of the fantastic foursome. Is that his name now or what? We'll have to ask him. That's when all the doctors ran in. His heart gave out.


End file.
